Today it’s already 4 weeks ago that we had to let you go… They say time flies, but for me, it still feels like yesterday.
I would like to share something with you. Of course you already know…, but still, I like to write to you. For the very first time in years, we went to the beach without you. Your special magical place. Our place.
First, I wanted to go alone, to be able to feel you by the sea. But somehow I was so nervous that I almost didn’t dare to go. At one moment, I felt it would be good to bring Emi with me, one of your best friends and dear sister. Then we could help each other. When I was leaving our house Jessie looked at me with an expression that told me she also wanted to join us. So, there we went, the three of us…. Or were we with four?
And there we were, standing on the beach, looking out over the sea. Jessie standing by my side, Emi standing on the other side. Tears were running down my face. My heart aching so deeply.
There was something different about the view, on the horizon a long thick white stripe was visible, in the entire length of the same thickness. Above it the sky was dark. And higher in the sky, a light appeared through the clouds.
I held your little sculpture in the air, seeing all the forms and shapes around and behind you. I realized that the white stripe was like the fog I was feeling in my head and the darkness of the sky resembled the deep pain in my heart. And then there is the light. The light of the heart and soul that shines. Yours and mine. There is always the light, right Belle? Always connected.
You taught me so much, you still do, and you always will.
We found a nice spot to sit down together. As I ran my fingers through the sand, felt the warm grains sliding over and under my hands I thought about how much you liked the feeling of the sand under your paws. You were always so happy the minute you felt it. Oh and the smell, you knew instantly where we were the moment I opened the door of our car.
With my hands I formed a heart shape in the sand and wrote your name in it. I was wondering if you could see us. Normally, Jessie and Emi would walk a lot and explore, but this time they stayed very close to me. It was so special. Jessie lay in front of the heart, on the lookout. Emi at the side, very close to you, her eyes closed. I put your sculpture in the heart. Although I can feel you more and more, it felt good to look at you.
Emi looked at you as well, very intensely, trying to comprehend what she saw and felt.
Then Jessie approached from the other side and both reached out to you and smelled your presence, without touching your name. Such a magical moment. Your sign.
You were there. You are here.
What a gift ♥
Your Irene, always ♥