Reflections of our time in Portugal. Was it healing?
While we were in Portugal, a lot of people wrote that they loved to see me smile again which was very sweet. Our time there really felt very good and full of Belle’s magic. Especially, of course, the time I spent with Kintana, and our precious Belle in spirit by our side. The many adventures we shared.
Kintana is amazing, she is such a special, sweet and beautiful soul. Every day, it touches me deeply how Belle led me to her and also to Portugal, the land where she was born. Because of her, we had the most wonderful and magical experiences.
Some friends wrote that our journey in Portugal must have been healing for me. If it was really healing? I don’t know. I don’t think I will ever truly heal from such a deep loss, my everything. It’s more about learning to live with it.
Yes, I did feel happy there, but I miss Belle terribly and talking or writing about her is still not easy. So many emotions I feel. It is that overwhelming deep pain in my heart and no, this intense pain has not decreased since I lost her on April 25th.
The last months I had many days that I didn’t know how to go on without Belle physically by my side and I still have those moments. Moments where I still can’t believe she is not with me, where I can touch her, feel her against my chest. Such strong and heart-wrenching thoughts and emotions …
I talk to her, she talks to me. And what keeps me going is her message to me that she wants me to go on, to enjoy life like we always did. She and I believe we have a choice in how we live life after a great loss. Do we choose darkness or do we choose the light?
Most of the times I can feel Belle so very close to me, she still gives me that special light of love that I treasure with all my heart. She definitely enjoyed the time together in Portugal as much as Kintana and I did. It was very special to be able to share this adventure with the three of us. And again, without her, leading me to Portugal, to Kintana, without her guidance all the way, I would have never been able to do this.
No matter where I go, no matter what I do, she is with me. I can feel Little Belle her beautiful smile, so full of magic, always watching us. Her smile makes me smile too, with tears in my eyes…
I’ve read a lot of comments where people mentioned that Kintana reminds them so much of Little Belle. And yes, they have a lot of resemblances. It’s for a reason why Belle guided me so perfectly to her. But she is different of course, having her own uniqueness, like we all have. There is only one Kintana.
There is only one Little Belle. That’s the miracle of life.
How beautifully Belle taught me that each day is a miracle. And she still does, giving me the courage and the strength to live life with all my heart, with passion, with wonder, with love, with magic.
I can see us standing on top of a high mountain, side by side, watching all nature’s beauty. Seeing the trees, the flowers, the sun, moon, and stars. Hear the soft blowing wind and the birds passing by. Smell the earthly scents and feel inside of us the secrets of life.
Together reaching the sky.
There are no limits.
Love is endless and forever ♥
Irene, Little Belle’s mom