A star in the sky

 
Little Belle passed away on Tuesday, April 25th. I still can’t write about it much since it’s too painful. I will copy the words I wrote on FB/IG about the moment I had to let my precious little girl go…

 
How could I say goodbye to my very special little girl who I loved more than anything…
I couldn’t.
I had to.
While she leaned on my chest, her head resting on that one familiar spot.
While I held her close to me, felt the warmth of her body, her heartbeat against my heart.
We both had to let go…

 
Irene, Little Belle’s mom

 
Today, I will write about something else, something that helped me a little while mourning. As you can imagine, I feel completely lost without Belle and I experience a deep intense pain. It is often unbearable, it is as if I can barely breathe and it feels like pieces of my heart are torn off, leaving a wound that can never heal.
In the first days after Little Belle her passing I knew I had to do something in order to get through this, to be able to hold on to life. Which maybe sounds dramatic but perhaps someday I will explain more about this.

 
Suddenly I knew what to do. On Thursday morning, Robert brought the little coffin home and it was just a rectangular box with a boring brown wood color. I wanted to make it better for my little girl, how strange it may sounds, she needed to have her last resting place in a beautiful coffin.
I started to paint an image that gradually formed more and more in my mind and I followed my heart that guided me. I am only used to oil paint, so it was strange to use acrylic paint, but that was the only option because of the drying time.

 
Here I started with painting. Robert made these pictures of me while I wasn’t aware of this, I was completely ‘in’ the painting with Belle…

 

 
Almost ready:

 

 
During painting, I felt connected with Little Belle, she was still close to me, and it kept my mind quiet. The moment I stopped, I started crying again. So, when it was ready…, well you can imagine I still keep myself ‘busy’. Of course, I also give space to all my emotions, they need to be felt.

 
Ready:

 

 
I think the ‘painting’ doesn’t need much explanation. Many friends of Little Belle know her so well that it will be very obvious why there is a heart around her name, why you can see tulips, the heath, the beach, the sea, the sunset… And who is the little star in the upper left corner? My beautiful warrior girl, forever shining ♥

 

 
Benji smelling the coffin:

 

 
And Tualek:

 

 
Surrounded by flowers, all gifts from Little Belle her friends…

 

 
I also painted the sides, so Belle will stay surrounded by flowers:

 

 

 

 
In the coffin, I placed her guardian angel charm, Little Belle her lei from Hawaii (a wreath of flowers symbolizing her aloha spirit of unconditional love), a piece of my hair (a part of me that stays with her) and a letter I wrote to her.

 

 
The next picture I have hidden, it’s a picture of Little Belle in her coffin, so only open it if you are able to see Belle this way.

My beautiful little angel…

 

 
On Tuesday, May 2, we gave Little Belle her last resting place in our garden…

Irene, Little Belle’s mom

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